Lately, my patience is being tried and tested in so many ways. And last Sunday, as I attended the 6pm worship service at CCF, I was reminded again of this verse: James 1:19.
It’s ironic that my schoolmates in highschool used to refer to me as a quiet person, a good listener, and someone whose words are worth listening to. I feel like I’m a totally different person now! If you’re going to test my listening skills–I mean real listening skills–I think I’d fail right away! And it’s like every time I speak, it’s only to complain or to refer to another person’s wrongs.
I am so ashamed of how I’ve been behaving lately. Be it for the reason that I was just so stressed out, or I was just plain mean… well, there’s no excuse to how I’ve been behaving.
I hate to hear my children make so much noise. I don’t really listen to what they’re trying to tell me that sometimes, my 5-year old daughter would actually beg me to listen to her. What a shame! It’s like, all I ever do is flare up and say things in an unrestrained manner. I say things that I’m not supposed to say. Worse, I deal with children as if they’re already adults, and expect them to understand and act the way I expect a mature adult does.
Woe is me!
And, as I listen to my girl friends’ stories of woes and heartaches, I wonder why I couldn’t employ the same kind of patience and understanding to my growing up girls, especially to my Alina, whenever they’re trying to tell me something–be it in the form of yelling, crying, or combination, I’ve realized now that they’re worth listening to. They’re growing up kids, and I don’t want them to grow older without learning how to listen and express their anger and frustrations properly–all because their mother dismissed their feelings without even trying to listen first to both to their verbal and non-verbal cues.
I wish I could go home to them now and hug and kiss them.
But I still have work to do. And I won’t be coming home yet to them and their father. Maybe tomorrow evening…
And I feel blessed now that my kids do not keep grudges against me, however harsh I’ve sometimes been to them, especially, Alina.
My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. James 1:19