I could no longer recall the last time I felt excited about this month. I used to count the days and months until November when I was a child, but during the past few years, I just started to dread it.
I was born in November, so that explains the excitement I used to feel when the month gets nearer. Plus, the fact that after November, it would soon be Christmas. However, with the marital problems I had in the recent years, including financial difficulties, the death of my mother, estranged relationships with in-laws, moving out of my parents’ house, seeing friends go and change jobs or leave the country, somehow, I started to feel like there’s really nothing to celebrate each year. I just felt alone, save for my children who would find ways to cheer me up every day.
Things are still not all well with me now, actually, but my excitement grows, especially with my young daughters counting off the days until the twelfth. I’ve been trying to come up with a plan on how my children and I should celebrate it. My husband has promised to send extra money that I could spend for my birthday, and though I know it can’t be that much, it had me getting more excited. Even if it means postponing my plan of going to Singapore for my birthday and celebrating it with him, since finding cheap airfare tickets has become a scarcity and I just have to bring along my daughters.
I have thought of going out of town and staying at some resort with my children, but since I am dependent on my brothers for private transportation, even an overnight get-away wouldn’t be easy with all the kids stuffs we have to bring. I am seriously considering now having a dinner at some hotel or restaurant with my girls, but I think I’d feel bad if it’s only the three of us who would go. I think I should at least include my father in the celebration. Come to think of it, when my mother was alive, I used to bring her out on special days. Now that I only have my father, I think I should also do something fun with him and not just see him on Sundays after going to church or whenever it is convenient for me to see him. However, we have to find a place to eat somewhere near his house since he doesn’t really like going to places, especially if commuting. (How I wish I could have a car for my birthday!)
Anyway, I still have a few days left to plan everything. Meanwhile, I am just glad that my previous apprehensions when November approaches are now far from me. Some of them may still be real or existent, but they no longer affect me as they used to do. This moth forward, I just want to enjoy whatever life has to offer and take things easy, confident that my needs shall always be met by my God.