Before I turn 34

It’s 11pm, 11th day of the 11th month of year 2011. In short, that’s eight 11’s! Coincidence? Well, only the year, since I normally try to reflect and write the last hour before my birthday every year.

I’m trying to examine how I really feel now. And I’m rather surprised that I feel panicky this time. I think about facing God and being told to recount to Him all the things that I have done in my 33 years of existence. It reminds me so much of The Parable of the Talents. I only have one hour left and what have I done so far? More, what else can I do if I were truly to face Him now? Will He tell me that I have been a good and faithful servant and grant me more talents (years, including resources) to live? Or grant me more years to live because I still haven’t accomplished much, thereby giving me some grace period?

Well, one thing’s for sure. I still have a lot to accomplish, especially when it comes to training my children, leading them to the right direction. Until I could be confident to say that they know what to do in most (difficult) situations and can accomplish things by themselves because I have trained them well and they have developed a deep personal relationship with God, I think that’s the only time I could stop panicking. 

On my 34th year, I shall 1) try my best to be more conscious of my responsibilities and carry them out to the best of my ability with love and full submission to God. No more whining, no more complaints, no more devising schemes to manipulate difficult people and situations–God, help me! 2) I shall also assist my children in doing their school assignments with more patience, as if I am being paid tremendously for doing it and 3) avoid getting irritated when they do not follow instructions carefully. 4) I’ll also try to be calmer as I deal with neighbors, government staff, and other people who exasperate me. Lastly, 5) I’ll try to manage our family’s finances more carefully.

Now that I’ve listed off the changes that need to take place in me, I can’t help feeling overwhelmed. I shall often visit this post and examine if improvements have started to take place… I guess I’d better sleep now. After all, my girls and I have a long day planned for tomorrow, starting with having my birthday cake for breakfast–something that I’ve always wanted to do!

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