On May 3, we’ll be celebrating little Z’s 6th birthday and that’s the day after hubby arrives. I have already started preparing for Z’s mini ice cream party, which hubby and I have promised her. It will be held at home, and the girls are getting more excited each day. They keep on rewriting their guest list even if they always end up with the same friends to invite. I myself have created a list of other things to prepare for the big day and have already purchased a few items on my list.
I can tell that my husband‘s very excited to come home too. He has been frequenting the malls in Singapore for various stuffs that he’d be bringing home to us as presents. He was also absent from work twice this month already for no particular reason–a sign that his mind was no longer on his job, and to think that he’s the sort who could easily bag a model employee award for his dedication to work!
However, excitement is not the only emotion that his arrival evokes. There were nights that I simply couldn’t sleep and I even experienced diarrhea because of too much anxiety. My husband’s coming home means that the day that I have been dreading is nearing as well. You see, the other reason he’s coming home is to ensure that I finally had the cysts on my thyroid gland removed. And I hate going to hospitals, especially if I or any member of my family has to lay on a hospital bed as an in-patient. Sure, he’ll be staying at the hospital with me, he’ll be my watchman and hold my hand, but still…
Another reason for my anxiety is that I have to see my in-laws again. As much as I have already decided to forgive them for all the wrongs that they had done to my children, my relatives, and myself, I do not wish to get close to them or see them again. I prefer to keep the distance, especially that we’re scheduled to move back to our own house, which is right across their place, before the year ends. I am careful not to send them the wrong signal, i.e., that they could be with my children and come to our house any time they please as they used to do once we’ve moved back. I do not want them to think that every thing’s back to normal and start being manipulative and abusive again. However, my husband had made me promise to be there when he and our children visit his relatives. We have to go there as one family.
Right now, I could only hope and pray that everything will go well. I have slowly started to accept that I have to undergo an operation and it will no longer take place at the prestigious Asian Hospital as we have initially planned. Although my surgeon and his team of doctors would still come from there, the operation itself will be done in a much less expensive facility for practical reasons. (Come to think of it, the more I talk and think about the situation as well as ask friends to help me pray about it, the more peaceful I feel now.)
As for meeting my in-laws again and spending one Saturday with them having a barbecue party, well, I have been praying about that too. At this moment, I couldn’t care less anymore whether they welcome me into their home or not. I’d still be there because my husband simply wants me to be there and I promised to be there.
I guess that settles everything except transportation on the day my husband arrives. I was the one who booked my husband’s flight, and I chose the earliest flight for the day not only because it’s cheaper, but also because I wanted to maximize his stay. In addition, that would allow my nephew, who volunteered himself to accompany us to the airport, to still be able to go to work in the morning in case he has already found a job by that time. However, to my grave disappointment, and with just a few days left before hubby arrives, I realized that the boy had easily forgotten about the word he had carelessly given when he was still filled with good memories of his stay in Singapore with my husband. Worse, his words and attitude managed to make me feel like it was my fault for counting so much on him. (And he has no idea that my husband was evicted from the apartment the agency had provided for him and some of his workmates because he had let him stay there for more than two weeks.)
Promises. My husband has made me promise to do the thing that I least wanted to do. I’m keeping my word and surprisingly, I’m starting to feel good about it. On the other hand, my nephew gave his word freely and I counted on him. But I ended up feeling devastated because he never really bothered to fulfill his promise.
This whole thing about making promises and keeping promises both reminded me of some very important things. First, I should not rely so much on a person’s word. It doesn’t matter if he/she is a friend, family member or relative. People change and they tend to make promises based on emotions. If they no longer feel the same way, they could easily and completely forget about the word they had freely given, and it’s up to you to bear the consequences.
Second, once I make a promise or say yes to someone, I should be careful to carry out my word. I shall remember to do that not only to avoid uncomfortable situations, but because it’s the right thing to do.
Finally, if the other person refuses to fulfill his word, still, give him a chance to redeem himself. If he doesn’t take it, move on and forgive him. You’ve done your part, let God deal with him for all the hurt he had caused you. There will always be people who would let you down, anyway, and somehow or somewhere in your past, you might have let someone down, too.