Lately, I have been reading about and hearing married couples profess that they love God first and foremost, then their spouses, and finally their children–yes, in that order. And I often wondered how that is possible. You see, I never fully understood how or why it should be that way, particularly for a married person. For me, it has always been loving God as a married woman means loving my husband first, then my children. If I do not prioritize and honor my husband before anybody else, then I am not really serving and loving God and vice versa.
This afternoon, as I accidentally discovered that my husband is getting addicted again to online games–so much that he spends money on them, buying stuff online via PayPal on a rather weekly basis since last month–I was reminded of these couples’ testimony once more. The fact that he would call me first before he buys a small bottle of perfume or a nice pair of shoes, but kept small but repeated purchases from me raised a red flag in my mind. And as I confronted him about it, he became very defensive and told me that I had no right to check his email account. (Well, how could I not check that account when I was the one who created it to facilitate faster communications with organizations or individuals on his behalf?)
I realized then that there is indeed wisdom in loving God first, in putting Him on top of my priority list. For one, knowing that there’s someone up the list that I can turn to any time and would not hurt me gives me peace of mind. Second, because I know that the one on top of my priority list could never hurt me, I am confident that I could always run to Him when I am hurting and He would be there, ready to listen to me and hug me when I needed one big time.
I remember having my marriage put to the ultimate test when I started both idealizing and idolizing my marriage, when I was filled with so much pride at the fact that my husband loved me and spoiled me to the best of his ability. There was also a time when I nearly lost my firstborn to an illness, which the doctors could not identify or treat for some reason, and that happened when I had come to love my baby more than any thing or anyone in the world. And then there were times when I would get sick each time I would prioritize my job while every one else takes a back seat. Each time any of these took place, I would start reflecting on my relationship with my Creator and Savior and find out what it was that He’s trying to tell me in each situation. And in those moments, I would come to the realization that it’s because I’m losing touch with Him, losing sight of the more important things in life.
I know now that it is possible for me to prioritize God over my own family, myself, and others. After all, why would we be commanded to love God first with all our heart, with all our mind, with all our might, if that is not even possible?
As I ponder on these things, I realized also that lately, I have started to learn to please God before my husband. As soon as disappointment threatened my well-being and my marriage, I remembered my God who is in control and reminded myself to seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all the things that I desire shall be given to me.