The picture says it all, and now the weighing scale has seconded. My posture is bad, my belly’s sticking out, and my limbs are simply huge. Yes, I am getting bigger and bigger these days, much bigger than when I was pregnant with my girls and even after I gave birth to each of them. I have started to become obese. I now weigh 145 lbs. and that’s the heaviest I’ve ever been! I’d like to go back to being a 115-pounder with no more than five layers of visceral fats, please.
I am aware of what various clothing brands and the media are doing. That it’s okay to be in a plus size, you should not base your confidence on your outward appearance, people should accept you for who you are and you just have to be yourself. While there’s truth in those statements, I’m not the type who would just go out and take on the attitude of “Who cares, take me for who I am. I’m fat, so what?”
That’s just not me. I’ve always prided myself in being able to take care of my body, maintain a healthy level of fats, particularly visceral fats, and not have to go shop for clothes simply because I no longer fit into most of what I got in the closet. I used to shop for new clothes because I simply want new ones plus I was starting to put on a new image – that of an entrepreneur/successful freelancer/full-time homemaker with two very young kids without nannies but still manages everything well.
Now, I no longer feel like going to the malls, knowing that I would resent not being able to fit in the blouse or dress that’s at the forefront of a boutique and because looking for something to wear outside the house has become a tedious chore to me. I’m back to wearing shirts, leggings, walking shorts, and only one pair of jeans–the only one that fits me now–that must be the most washed item now in my closet, and I hate it. I got newer looking and nicer blouses, but I couldn’t wear them anymore!
Three months ago, I said I would start a new routine, i.e., to walk around the village every morning as soon as my kids are picked up by their school bus. But that only happened several times, not on a regular basis. I decided to check out gyms instead, but my husband has strict requirements and I eventually had to let go of that option, too. Then I bought a yoga mat and dumbbells. I got into yoga, alright, but didn’t stay on it for long. The dumbbells? Well, I think they’re somewhere under the bed now.
I have also tried masking my weight by buying new clothes. I ended up giving away some of them, if not exchanging the items for a bigger size or design several times because they just didn’t fit me the way I imagined when I was buying them.
Yet I see people whom I believe should have deeper concern about their weight and health in general, but somehow manage to look very much at ease with themselves, even beautiful. I cringe at the sight of their love handles oozing from their pants’ waistbands that their blouses or shirts could not hide anymore. Some would even post their photos on Facebook and pose in a sultry way. Oh, yes, they would even wear blouses and dresses that are too revealing for me! And then I would see a tagged photo of myself and I wish it was photoshopped first before the person posted it online.
What is wrong with me? Can’t I just be like the others, content in my skin and with my weight?
Perhaps that is the problem. I don’t really want to be like them because deep inside, I know better. Bigger girth could mean more layers of visceral fats, a.k.a. killer fats, which could also mean more and bigger health problems in the long run. And I don’t ever want my family to be burdened by an illness that could’ve been avoided if only I had been more disciplined and loved my body by keeping it fit, healthy and strong.
I am aware that gluttony is a sin, and I refuse to live like a heathen. I know I should take care of my body because it is the temple of the Holy Spirit. In addition, there will always be this simple truth that I would be able to do more work, be more productive, be more successful in my endeavors, and have more quality time with my family and friends if I am at the pink of health.
I am writing this not to shame overweight people, but to make them understand that having a bigger girth could be fatal. I am writing this as a bigger challenge to myself and because I am hoping that others would also decide to choose to have a healthier lifestyle and start doing things to accomplish that goal. I am writing this because I am sick and tired of the brainwashings that the media and some brands have been doing, telling people that it’s okay to be fat. After all, you can make their purses fatter that way.
And, yes, if you’re really my friend, please don’t tell me that I have gained weight, but it’s alright and I still look great. You’d be lying if you do that. I know how I look now compared to how I look a year ago or so. Help me stay focused instead on my goal of becoming fit and healthier. You are a true friend if you would do that. Thank you.