Marriage & Raising Girls
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Mommy Break

Have you ever watched a movie that’s supposed to be funny, but you end up crying instead? That’s how it was while I was watching “Mom’s Night Out” online. Thanks to our complimentary one free movie a month on Clickplay (for being PLDT MyDSL subscriber), I just saw it for the third time since last Sunday. I normally let my daughters pick the movies we’d watch, but this time, I insisted on the said movie. Maybe because I felt that I needed it. I needed a good laugh, I needed to de-stress, relax, especially after a meltdown. Seriously. Besides, how many “mommy movies” are there, anyway?It wasn’t what I had expected though – to just be funny and no more. I didn’t expect that having my life portrayed in front of me, my idiosyncrasies, frustrations, secret desires, would be poignantly portrayed right before my eyes. It’s crazy! I must be getting crazy. I was both laughing and crying the whole time I was watching the movie. My youngest daughter was probably wondering what was happening to me.

I love my daughters – they’re wonderful and I always get compliments for having them! I’m married to a hard-working, loving man except he’s miles away from us, working in another country. Like the movie’s heroine, Allyson, I have dreamed of becoming a mom when I was young. I now have my own family, I’ve been married for 11 years, and I have a house to call my own with lots of space for the kids to play around and grow a beautiful garden. However, I don’t always feel happy about it.

There are days when I just feel like screaming, walking out the door, vanishing at sunset into some lovely, secluded beach surrounded by mountains all by myself. My eldest child is now in fifth grade whereas the younger one is in second grade. Yet, every time we go out and meet people, I still have to remind them to put on their best behavior or else… I get crazy whenever the house gets so messy, especially after I have spent hours cleaning it, putting away their things. Maybe that’s the reason I prefer to clean the yard lately rather than the house itself.

My daughters are charming and their (artistic) talents could instantly turn one into a fan. They’re sweet and thoughtful, but just like any child, they could also drain their mom’s energy. Oh, have I told you that we don’t have a nanny? And then there would be days when I just feel like reading a book, eating bags of potato chips along with a whole 8-inch round chocolate cake, or sleeping the whole day. No, I’ve never done all of those things, but maybe someday I would. Okay, I’ve tried reading a book the whole day, but felt very guilty after doing it that I have not read a book at home for more than 10 minutes again. Yeah, extreme, I know. Just look at my Currently Reading list on Goodreads – I got the same books for months now!

From time to time, I feel like inviting my friends over for dinner or movies both for old time’s sake and because I’m craving for some companionship and conversation with fellow adults. However, preparing a (special) dinner for more people would be an additional task to my already mile-long list of things-to-do, so I’d rather do that on days when we’re really celebrating something. And then I’d realize that with my kids and relatives who would also be present, I would no longer be able to spend time with my friends if I invite them, too.

As for going out at night, well, what about my kids? Not to mention we don’t have a car yet, so commuting at night with sleepy children and bags full of kids’ stuff isn’t really a good idea. Believe me, I’ve done that, attending business seminars and meetings until late in the evening with my children. Many thought I was cool, worth emulating, driven. Deep inside, I felt pitiful. I eventually decided to let go of the dream for now because no matter how I tried to convince myself that I was doing it for them, for their future, something’s just not right. Not yet, I guess…

Funny how a friend asked me years ago how I managed to avoid looking losyang with young kids. I remember laughing at her question and telling her that having well-groomed hair and nails could make a lot of difference! Well, that was years ago and it’s also been years since I last saw her. I was working then, so I had to take extra care of my appearance, plus my kids had a nanny. Now, I could only hope that I never looked losyang to any person I’ve met. (By the way, that’s one of the reasons I keep my hair short.)

Like Allyson in the movie, I have also believed in the lies that I’m not good enough and I ought to be perfect. I guess it’s time for me to embrace the truth that I am loved and God loves me for who I am. I shouldn’t put so much pressure on myself or on the people around me. In the same way that I am not expected to be perfect, I cannot expect anyone else, including my kids, not even the circumstances I may be in to be perfect. Well, what can I say now? Cheers to motherhood! We’re doing a great job, fellow moms! Remember, “the hand that rocks the cradle rules the world”… whatever that means. 😉

For Moms’ Night Out quotes, you may visit this link:

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