This week had been one of the most difficult ones I had to go through in life, and I can’t believe that it’s only a few weeks apart from the day I had a miscarriage. Big Sis ran away–I was mostly to be blamed–and my husband was devastated. Although she has returned, we’re still not done dealing with certain issues. This recent storm that hit us also made me face the fact that our family was not as it seemed all along, and changes have to be made. First of all, the cycle of hurts must stop now.
reading Bo Sanchez’s “How to Deal with Horror Parents, Monster Kids, and Freaky Siblings: Create a Happy Family Using the Most Powerful Tool to Help Your Loved Ones Change”. It’s quite a short read, but filled with practical wisdom.
writing journal entries, including personal letters, since the night Big Sis chose to ran away and slept over at my husband’s relatives’ house across the street. Doing so reminds me of a quote from Lang Leave: “I don’t think all writers are sad, she said. I think it’s the other way around–all sad people write.”
listening to the sounds around me. Since Big Sis ran away, my ears are more easily piqued and all my senses seem to be on high alert at all times.
thinking about all the things that happened in the past few days, weeks, and months, even. It felt like I never really had a day of peace since the start of 2017. From dealing with vexatious neighbors, having a dispute with a very close relative, a difficult pregnancy, miscarriage, a run away teen, and now a hurting husband and troublesome in-laws. It felt like I’ve done nothing but weather storms in life and I can’t wait to see long sunny days ahead!
So far, the only good thing that happened this year, it seems, was my nephew’s wedding yesterday, which we missed. Nevertheless, the thought of his wedding to a wonderful woman sends me a warm glow inside. I am so proud of him, of what he has become, what he has accomplished, and more. I believe he and his beautiful bride are on their way to Italy now, their first stop for their honeymoon among several countries, and I am excited for them!
wishing my parents were still alive. Somehow, I just know that Big Sis would have a more rounded personality and would always feel secure if they were still around (and healthy). Honestly, I’ve always marveled at my parents’ love for my daughters and their other grandchildren! However, if Big Sis would still run away and come to them instead, I am certain that the opposite thing would have happened.
They would never ever give her ungodly counsel. They would never ever compete for her affections and loyalty, and undermine her love for her family. They would uphold godly values, such as love and forgiveness, especially within the family, and lead her to God and back to us, her parents, instead. They would help her (and her parents) handle the crisis well, which definitely does not include telling her that it’s okay to stay away from home, even for just a night, and threaten her parent(s)!
hoping Lil Sis would be more than ready for her upcoming portfolio review, which has been postponed quite a number of times already.
loving my children to the best of my ability. I’ve always asked God to help me see and love my daughters the way He does. I think our recent family crisis has helped me see my daughters, especially Big Sis, in a different light. All those tender moments we had from the time she was born just started coming back to me now. I wish I had visited those memories more often and had always guarded them intentionally.
wanting to move to another location right away. This is one of those days when I really wish that money is not a problem in our family. It would have been much easier to live in a much nicer subdivision, with tight security, and away from the ugliness of my surroundings now.
needing at least an 8-hour long of uninterrupted sleep. I don’t think I’ve ever cried and prayed as hard or as frequent as I did the past few days. I thought my recent miscarriage was the worst thing that could happen to a mom. Maybe for someone who has already borne two children, that is not the case anymore, but losing a child to pride or anger is.
feeling tired but happy that I have now started connecting with Big Sis again. She sought my hand as we walked the streets and even while inside the mall earlier. We went back to our old routine of attending the 12 noon church service then going to the mall to watch a movie, dine, and/or stroll. This afternoon, we watched Beauty and the Beast (live action movie), which we have been waiting for about a year now.
Somehow, I am also feeling at peace after having shared with Big Sis this evening some of her father’s own experience when he ran away from home during his college days. She knows now why he’s devastated that she had left and did not come home with me when I fetched her. I think my daughter finally understood who really is her family and what makes a family, too.
praying that I would be a better wife and mom more and more each day, and that our family would come out stronger after this storm has truly passed. I am so ready to start over again!
grateful for my family, relatives, as well as friends who lead authentic Christian lives. My family and I could never have coped with all the challenges that have been coming our way, if not for their prayers and support. I am also grateful to have found a new discipler in the personhood of our DGroup leader at church. Now I just have to find a discipler for Big Sis, too.