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Ramblings of a tired mom

I thought the week would never end. Or rather, all the challenges I have to contend with lately would never end. There have been triumphs, mind you, but it’s taking me a huge effort to focus on them at times, and right now, I still feel a little overwhelmed. I guess I’m just never that good at handling family situations involving sickness, even if I were able to take charge of everything just fine while in the middle of it.

For one, my husband returned to Singapore in a much better health. He was home only for a few days, sick, having probably the worst skin asthma attack he has ever had in years. It’s a good thing I have made good friends with a couple of dermatologists in the area, when I was still very active in the anti-aging business, and we were able to meet with one of them the same day he arrived.

While my husband was home recuperating, we were also rehabilitating an 8-month old Alaskan malamute–my eldest brother’s dog. We have officially adopted him and are now house training and taking care of him. I, myself, am still getting used to his massive size and constant shedding. I wish my brother brought him to our place when he was at least three months younger. Despite being very active, he’s actually sick and my brother seemed totally oblivious to his health condition.

Speaking of my brother, there’s also the constant worry about his safety, giving me sleepless nights. I have already asked nearly all my Christian friends to pray for him and his family. Day and night, I would pray for his and his children’s safety too. Honestly, I’m becoming so much more prayerful these days because of him!

There were days, however, when I just want to lash out at his ex-wife for being the cause of all their troubles, especially whenever she would attempt to borrow money from me, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. Sometimes, I have to ask myself if it’s compassion that’s keeping me from doing so or because I have started to become apathetic to her, choosing not to waste time and energy on her. After all, despite the danger that she has put both herself and her entire family in, including her close relatives, she still doesn’t appear to show any remorse. She seems to just expect people to understand her and be nice to her.

And then there’s Li’l Sis getting sick. Since she started taking this super potent multi-vitamins for kids called Jungamals by Nu Skin | Pharmanex, she almost never gets sick anymore and most of her food allergies were gone too. In fact, I would throw away bottles of unopened expired medicines from time to time. However, since she stopped taking Jungamals about six months ago, it looks like her immune system has started to weaken now.

For five days, she battled with all sorts of sickness, such as fever, vomiting, cough, and colds. I guess we’ll just have to go back to Jungamals or have her take it alternately with other brands of multivitamins that she’s currently taking. I didn’t buy her a new bottle when she finished her last one because aside from the fact that she very rarely gets sick now, our close relatives in the US and some friends from the blogosphere have sent us bottles of multivitamins for kids that would last for months.

Lastly, there’s the constant pressure (I’ve been putting on myself) to do everything right, particularly in areas of homeschool and child discipline, along with keeping the house clean and presentable at all times. I feel so out of sync with myself lately that I’m having difficulty meeting deadlines more than ever, it seems, although I am able to control my temper much better now, generally.

Maybe I’ll go out tomorrow, be gone for just 30 minutes to have coffee all by myself at a nearby café. But then, maybe I won’t because there are still a lot of things to do and unfinished tasks only make me feel worse and leave me more stressed. As much as I want to relax, I couldn’t really. I am starting to be anxious again. And now I wish that we have a household help who would come in at least once a week so I could take a rest and not worry about house chores piling up.

Worse, at 13 years old, I still can’t expect my eldest daughter to be responsible enough and help with the chores without being told and without her expecting any reward. I guess that’s the price I have to pay for agreeing to live too close (to) and trusting my husband’s relatives, who seemed to have influenced my daughter(s) in a negative way. Honestly, she wasn’t like that at all when she was younger and we were living away from my husband’s relatives. In fact, she used to be Little Miss Helpful.

She was sweet, caring, dependable, and sensitive. You would be amazed at how responsible she was both at home and in school at such a young age! Her younger sister practically worshipped her too. But not anymore. She has become disrespectful, lazy, and callous. And I swear, she would say things that I could only imagine would come out from the mouths of my husband’s relatives. She even provokes me to anger at times, even if she knows that I have anger issues that I am trying to overcome now with the help of Glorious Hope.

I think I’ll stop trying to complete the 30-Day Praise Challenge altogether for now. I really need time to sort out some personal matters first and fulfill the commitments I have made prior to starting the challenge. Right now, I think I’ll focus on healing–physically, emotionally, spiritually. I know I can do it with the help of Glorious Hope, our Glorious Hope.


What about you? Do you often feel overwhelmed? What do you do when you feel overwhelmed?


P. S. I also miss staying in bed just to read and ordering pizza for meals for a day. Maybe I need to do that again soon just to recharge and feel more like myself again.


Featured image by Nick Hillier on Unsplash

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