I’ve been attending Glorious Hope for about twelve weeks now. It is a recovery program initiated by Christ’s Commission Fellowship (CCF), the church my family and I have been part of for about a decade now. Glorious Hope aims to help liberate the families from the bondage of destructive hurts, habits, and hang-ups through our Lord Jesus Christ and to equip them with tools to overcome them in order to be productive in the community.
In these past 12 weeks, I have started to recall and humbly acknowledge all the things that hinder me from growing emotionally and spiritually, from becoming a mature Christian, a more effective wife, mother, sister, friend, leader, etc. It was painful having to recall all those circumstances and people that caused me pain as well as all the shameful and hurtful things I’ve done (to another person) in the past.
I have realized that I continue to do the things I do, which I never really wanted to do in the first place, and could not seem to overcome these bad habits, destructive hurts, and hang-ups because I have not fully surrendered my life yet to Jesus… Even if I have prayed to receive Him (several times) and have professed my faith publicly through water baptism.
I keep taking the wheel from Him whenever I find myself in the middle of a crisis, whenever I have to make tough decisions in life, whenever I struggle with temptations. I somehow never fully understood and accepted the fact that I cannot change on my own, and that’s just insane. I keep forgetting that I have to rely on God’s grace and allow Him to change me, mold me into His likeness. I just happened to know that for a fact, but failed to apply it (consistently) in my life.
I keep trying to change on my own and I keep failing. I envy those who testify that God’s love has changed them and has become passionate to share the Gospel. I want to experience that same passion for Jesus, too.Earlier at church, as I listened to Pastor Peter Tan-chi’s sermon, I was once again convicted for not living like a true Christian at all times and raising my daughters well according to God’s standards. An old friend and co-member from my previous Skypleship group was the one who shared a testimony at the service today and I was able to relate to some of her experiences.
I came face to face with the fact that we do not become a Christian simply because we have prayed to receive Christ. We do not become a Christian because we went through water baptism. To be a Christian means to be a follower of Christ, to surrender our lives to Him, to know His voice and live by His teachings.
I was also reminded that choices have consequences (see Galatians 6:7). I shall reap whatever I sow. And, going through Glorious Hope, I see more clearly now how certain decisions that I have made in life have affected (negatively) my relationships both with Jesus and others, even with my own self, and I am now learning to forgive myself and those who have both failed and hurt me.
I feel like I am finally seeing the light for the first time now. I feel free and no longer in bondage. Come to think of it, I no longer even feel the urge to raise my voice or nag when my eldest daughter wakes up very late in the morning or makes a face when told to do something. I know that the battle continues and the enemy would always try to make me go back to my old ways, but I know better now, and I shall continue to be equipped to overcome by God’s grace.
Moreover, I have confidence in my new-found friends that I can count on them to pray for me and encourage me not only in the coming weeks while we are still in the program, but even after we graduate and start helping others too. Truly, having accountability partners and spiritual mentors at this stage in my life is a blessing. ❤
P. S. To view the Minefield sermon series, please visit CCF Center‘s website.