All posts tagged: death

Keeping the legacy

It’s been a week now since we buried Papa and I have also been sick since that day, but I feel much better now these past few days. I just had to take things slowly, one day at a time, as they say, to keep the symptoms of peripheral neuropathy at bay. It has started to bother me, so this week I focused on getting well and tending to my garden a couple of hours each day. I’ve been trying to keep my mind off what happened and I thought I’d start with forgiving and making things right. If it’s true that souls roam the planet first, visiting its loved ones, before going to the heavens, then I just had my first visit from my pops. It was Friday evening, I was battling with fever, when I suddenly smelled an unlit cigarette. It’s like it was being waived right under my nose. I imagine Papa holding it up to me to see that he has not lit it yet and has no intention of really smoking. …

Goodbye, Papa!

  I grew up always anticipating your coming home. I almost never saw you, never really got to be with you when I was a child. Nevertheless, I have fond memories of you the few times we were together, and some of them were among my many firsts. I remember the first time we went to Jollibee together. You were driving a dark blue Mercedes Benz–one of the perks of your job, I guess–that looked incredibly long and big to me at that time, and you allowed me to sit in the front, which was a first time too. I was quiet, but couldn’t sit still. I kept looking all around me, wondering if the view from the front would be different if I were seated at the back. When we reached Jollibee, however, I was disappointed that we did not go inside the store. I didn’t realize that I was in for a big treat – burgers could be bought from a small window without having to leave the car, not to mention we …

Chasing cobwebs

It’s been two months since I posted a story here. It’s not that I have not been writing, but for some reason, I couldn’t get my thoughts together and couldn’t seem to find enough time to sit in front of my laptop and just write like I normally would. My head’s always full of ideas to write about, especially when I’m on the road, and a number of articles have already piled up in my drafts folder waiting to be finished. It’s been two months that I have not done much except clean the house, take care of some errands, worry about the budget, get sick and recover (right, as if I have planned on being ill!), and reminisce the past. It’s been two months of both busy and idle living. My late mother‘s birthday and second death anniversary came and went too. As both dates neared, I experienced deep sadness. Wishing she’s still alive, dreaming I could still embrace and kiss her, yearning to hear her voice… If only I could be with her for one …

Grey is the color of death

May 25. We’re celebrating my husband’s 33rd birthday today. However, instead of being happy all day, my daughters and I have a foreboding sense of death. The first and only dog our family ever had seems to be dying. Her name is Katya, and I can still remember my little Z picking her over a litter of much cuter puppies being sold in the sidewalk of Alabang last December. (Honestly though, if she could have it her way, we’d take home all the pups!) Katya was already five weeks old then according to the vendor. We named her Katya–one of my suggestions–because her color’s exactly the same as the sack cloth (i.e., in katya or katsa in Tagalog), which was sort of dirty white. Katya has always been a playful and active dog. She has a very good temper and friendly to almost everyone. In fact, once you get past her size, you would realize that there’s nothing to fear about her. It was rather frustrating that she doesn’t make a good guard dog at …

32 years and a few minutes

  I’m not sure whether I should feel excited about celebrating my birthday later. I’ll be 33 at exactly 6:30 AM, 12 November 2010. For the second time, I’ll be celebrating my birthday without a mother to greet me warmly as soon as I wake up. And I guess I just have to get used to that. I also have to live with the fact now that although wonderful changes had taken place in my marriage, well, my husband’s not around for me to share the day with him. I wish November 13’s my birthday, and not tomorrow.   Why? For one, I get to celebrate a birthday on a Friday the Thirteenth! Yeah, right, as if that matters! Seriously, I just wish it won’t take place soon. Because I am in such a mess right now. I have a deadline to beat, a house to clean the moment I wake up, and a daughter to send to school very early in the morning, when all I want to do is wake up late, have a …