All posts tagged: God

The wisdom in putting God first

Lately, I have been reading about and hearing married couples profess that they love God first and foremost, then their spouses, and finally their children–yes, in that order. And I often wondered how that is possible. You see, I never fully understood how or why it should be that way, particularly for a married person. For me, it has always been loving God as a married woman means loving my husband first, then my children. If I do not prioritize and honor my husband before anybody else, then I am not really serving and loving God and vice versa. This afternoon, as I accidentally discovered that my husband is getting addicted again to online games–so much that he spends money on them, buying stuff online via PayPal on a rather weekly basis since last month–I was reminded of these couples’ testimony once more. The fact that he would call me first before he buys a small bottle of perfume or a nice pair of shoes, but kept small but repeated purchases from me raised a …

Claiming God’s promises

Have you ever experienced praying so hard for something to happen, then finally, when the first sign appears that what you’ve been praying for is about to come true, you start to laugh at the idea then cower, wondering if it’s really happening, while panic swells inside of you as you remember that nothing’s impossible with God and your life is about to change forever? Well, not just your life, but your loved ones’ as well? I know! It’s crazy, right? Well, that’s exactly how I feel now. And I couldn’t help relating my situation to Abraham‘s wife Sarah for the first time, when she laughed at the thought that her deepest desire to become a mother was about to come true, at the age when she was already way, way past the age of childbearing… However, I have also wondered about the various what ifs, like, what if I mess up along the way and God would change His mind, suddenly declaring that it’s not yet time, that was just a teaser? Or, oops! Wrong move (attitude), go back to Start? I can tell that God’s leading …

Give me my space, please!

God has a funny way of rebuking me each time I harbor negative feelings, particularly anger. I have realized that each time I’m cheesed off with someone or something, I start to feel the symptoms of peripheral neuropathy all over again. The tingling sensations on my scalp, arms, and legs would return. It’s like I’m being told quietly but firmly: “Face the fact that you are upset, then deal with the person or situation maturely, rationally, with wisdom. If you have something to do with it, admit it and chastise yourself as well.” Lately, I seem to be always catching myself resisting the urge to bite off the head of heavyset individuals that would happen to sit next to me in a public transportation. You see, I am that kind of person who values her space so much and is also careful not to invade one’s personal space. Hence, as I take my seat in a public vehicle, the first thing I would do is calculate how much space my fellow passengers and I are …

Mommy break

It’s been a while since I went to the mall and had lunch all by myself. I always go out with my little girls in tow. However, since my girls are attending a three-day Vacation Bible School (VBS) I suddenly find myself having some me time, which happens very rarely. To maximize my me time, I determined to pamper myself a little–something that I have not done in months or since I acquired peripheral neuropathy, I should say. On day 1, after finishing some errands and while the girls are attending the VBS, I visited my hometown and went to the parlor that I used to frequent there. I had my hair trimmed and my toe nails done. I guess I now look neat again with my pixie cut hairstyle. For the first time, I also had my toe nails painted with lavender nail polish, glossed with glittery colorless lacquer. It’s something that I had always wanted to try, and I’m glad that I finally did. I would have also visited my father after spending an hour at the salon, but since I didn’t have much time left, I went …

Promises

On May 3, we’ll be celebrating little Z’s 6th birthday and that’s the day after hubby arrives. I have already started preparing for Z’s mini ice cream party, which hubby and I have promised her. It will be held at home, and the girls are getting more excited each day. They keep on rewriting their guest list even if they always end up with the same friends to invite. I myself have created a list of other things to prepare for the big day and have already purchased a few items on my list. I can tell that my husband‘s very excited to come home too. He has been frequenting the malls in Singapore for various stuffs that he’d be bringing home to us as presents. He was also absent from work twice this month already for no particular reason–a sign that his mind was no longer on his job, and to think that he’s the sort who could easily bag a model employee award for his dedication to work! However, excitement is not the only emotion …

Chasing cobwebs

It’s been two months since I posted a story here. It’s not that I have not been writing, but for some reason, I couldn’t get my thoughts together and couldn’t seem to find enough time to sit in front of my laptop and just write like I normally would. My head’s always full of ideas to write about, especially when I’m on the road, and a number of articles have already piled up in my drafts folder waiting to be finished. It’s been two months that I have not done much except clean the house, take care of some errands, worry about the budget, get sick and recover (right, as if I have planned on being ill!), and reminisce the past. It’s been two months of both busy and idle living. My late mother‘s birthday and second death anniversary came and went too. As both dates neared, I experienced deep sadness. Wishing she’s still alive, dreaming I could still embrace and kiss her, yearning to hear her voice… If only I could be with her for one …

Slowing down

Lately, I’ve been very preoccupied with my roles as a mother and though I am guilty of not being able to submit new articles both for my blog and part-time job, I have become less severe with myself, thinking that I could only do so much. No, not a good excuse for not working hard, but I guess I’ve come to a point where I no longer want to do so many things at a time. I’ve come to realize that there’s no need for me to prove anything to anyone. I just have to embrace my duties now as a mother, wife–even if my husband is abroad–and full-time homemaker, and until I do so, I don’t think I’ll be able to perform other roles effectively. Moreover, if I manage our finances well, there’s really no need for me to work at all, or at least for financial reasons. At first, I thought that I would experience boredom if I focus on my children and other household concerns alone. On the contrary, I still always …

The Jonah in me

When I think about my own relationship with God, I remember the story of Jonah. This morning, instead of reading just the first three verses of the Book for my irregular daily devotions, I read the whole Book. Reading it made me face the fact that I am being rebellious again despite my attempts to mask the attitude. “Have you any right to be angry?” the LORD asked Jonah on two separate occasions. And I found myself in the same boat as Jonah, being asked the same question. No, I have not been faithfully reading my Bible lately or being obedient to God’s Word for that matter. My prayers are too shallow–I recite them with no feelings at all. Sometimes, I would only pray because my children urge me to lead them or because the situation seems to call for it. And because I have not been meditating on God’s Word, I get easily irritated or angered lately. So why am I acting rebellious again? What’s making me feel angry that sometimes, like Jonah, I …

Missing and wishing

I have just finished looking at my friend Michelle’s photos on Facebook. She and seven other travellers came together to visit Patagonia. She took great pictures and the sceneries were simply breathtaking. And to think I never thought such place with such name existed until she posted her albums! As I was looking at her pictures, a few things came to my mind. First, how blessed she is to be able to travel to such places. I wonder if God would ever allow me (with my family) to see such places too, and if yes, I wonder when that would happen. Although I am happy for her–after the painful divorce she had to deal with last year, she certainly needs a break, and a fabulous one such as this–I must admit that I am also envious of my friend’s travel escapades. To be able to travel and see the world would always be one of my dreams and prayers yet to be answered by God. The other thing I realized was that I’ve missed my friend and our highschool group very much. She was one of my best …

Full-time mommy gets a new full-time home-based job

I got a phone call at around 6 am today, inviting me to a virtual conference with prospective clients/employers. Two hours later, I found myself online at Skype, sharing things about my employment background, etc. To make it short, I just got hired. I’ll be working on a new account starting next week. I was thrilled to hear it, especially that I did not expect it at all. In fact, all I could think of during the call was to go back to bed. But, as always, I’m open to both new challenges and the idea of getting an extra income. However, a nagging voice tells me that it might not work out again, like my last job, for the same reason: although it’s home-based, it’s still a full-time job and I might get so cranky again, put my health in line, and miss spending time with my girls so much. Not to mention lose focus on my graduate studies. Since God brought me to it, however, I’d like to think that every thing will turn out well. After all, I’ve been …